Mama’s Been Busy

I know it’s been quiet around these parts, but if I don’t make the cute little hats and clippies and bibs and mustache/lip Valentine’s for Aiden’s class, who will? (To be fair, Dan helped me cut out 20 mustaches and lips to attach to the lollipops.)

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And I know you’re all like “But Beth? You work. Can’t you afford to just buy these things? Shouldn’t you be using the free time to do those dishes that are piling up in the sink or fold that basket of laundry that’s been sitting there overflowing with clean (and now ridiculous wrinkled) clothes for a week? ”

To which I would reply shut your mouth ;)

But what I should be saying is….you might just have a point. I just recently started a new job…a big girl job…a fast-paced job that requires me to be mentally on for like 40 hours a week. It was a hard decision to take such a job in the face of my current home situation where every part of my being wants to be super mom. Cooking, cleaning, crafting, blogging, lovingly attending to my kids’ every whim, the whole nine yards. I’ve already come to terms with (who am I kidding?) It’s a constant struggle to come to terms with the fact that I like to work and be financially independent and am in many ways not cut out to be a SAHM, and at my last job, I dealt with the guilt that came with those feelings by working as little as I could get away with.  And despite my reduced schedule, I still felt generally unhappy. While the position afforded me a lot of flexibility, I didn’t like the work, the commute, the environment.  I came home from work feeling like crap that I was giving up time with my kids for *that*. So I found something new and while it’s freaking crazy so far, I love it. I’m more invested in the work in 1 month than I was in 2 years at my last job albeit slightly less present at home. But only slightly. And it’s quality, not quantity anyways? Right? RIGHT???

Well I think it is and a happy mommy makes for a happy family. And while I want to make my kids everything they wear and play with and cook them gourmet meals despite my aloofness in the kitchen, something tells me that the stress that comes with carving out time to do these things just isn’t worth it right now (which is why you won’t catch me on Pinterest anytime soon (Scary Mommy said it best)…parenthesis within parenthesis…yeah, that just happened).

Don’t get me wrong. I’ll always be trying to regain at least a smidgen of the control over my life that was lost when I had children in my own little ways. And my day will come…all too soon from what I hear.

But tonight when I get home from work, I’ll play with my son and carry my daughter around and watch them eat the meal that daddy has likely prepared and I’ll give them my best until they’re both asleep instead of fretting about all the things that I want to get done around me. And then maybe I’ll do a dish or two. Or maybe I’ll lay in bed and watch TV like a vegetable. Or maybe I’ll actually publish this to the blog or make something cute for someone. Or maybe I’ll work out (HA!). Or maybe I’ll just go to sleep. But what I won’t do is feel like I have to be doing anything in particular or feel guilty for what I didn’t do. I repeat…I will not feel guilty. Any moms out there actually figured this one out? If so, let me know.

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2 Responses to “Mama’s Been Busy”

  1. Rebecca Says:

    I think you do a pretty amazing job and you have two GREAT kids to prove it:)

  2. kathy Says:

    I think you are doing everything just right. We hope that our children will remember these great days but even if they don’t, as Moms we hold them close to our heart as memories. I remember fondly forts in the living room made of sheets and blankets, and home-made pizza (oh wait…that one I’ll be happy to forget). I expect that Darek and Dana don’t remember if the beds were made or the clothes were ironed or not. hugs were important, wrinkles, not so much! Continue to teach them love…it will come back to you forever.

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